We are testing Alex for dyslexia next Saturday. It cost quite a bit of casholla, but after last night, we don't want to wait around on the school system to test him.
We had things all lined up for the school to test Alex for free, but it is a process. We either have to let me fail in English (the subject in which he struggles) or skip the testing all together and have him work harder to minimally keep up. Obviously, we have been helping him a lot and he is passing with a 77%. This 77%, though, doesn't fall in line with his 95% grades across the board otherwise. Something just isn't right.
Last night when he came home with a bad grade, I did the Mommy thing and told him that wasn't acceptable and we would have to try harder. His little eyes got all red and teary as he said only, "Yes, Mam." I had to hug him. He just looked like he was about to burst. When I put my arms around him he exclaimed, "Mommy, I am the worstest kid in school! I make more F's than any body else." (Insert loud sobs here.)
That was it. He will have a full battery of tests next Saturday. I just can't watch him struggle and take the hits emotionally. We'll do whatever it takes.
I struggled with the same things Alex does academically. I made it through, but I had a few anger issues along the way. I learned to hate teachers and school. I was just frustrated. I didn't want to feel even more out of control or weak, so, I got angry instead of sad. I took control in the only way I knew how. I don't want Alex to become angry or sad, especially now that I know our brains just work a little different. (Everyone knows I am a little "different.") Thank goodness for modern science. Alex has tons of options, lots places that will help him and more of a chance to do well in school than I ever had.
It does make me think, though. What if I didn't have to struggle so much in school? What if I wasn't so angry all the time? What would have happened if I could have done well on tests? How would things have turned out? Would I be a Doctor? Would I have gotten that Law degree?
On the other hand, one thing I have learned from having to struggle is that "what ifs" don't get me anywhere. I have to focus on "what is," and "what is" is pretty darn good.
This link may be a little difficult for some of your "normal" people to read, but it was way easier for me. Welcome to my world:
http://www.spellingsociety.org/journals/j10/dyslexia.php
Is his test tomorrow or next week? I hope things get better for him soon. It hurts my heart to think of him so sad. I have thought about him every day this week and hope he is happy. I know he will be successful, it is just such a tough row to hoe. You are such a good mommy!!
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